If you are in my life on a normal basis or happen to be my friend on Facebook you probably know that I had a big event happening this weekend....moving my grandmother. Moving her away from HER home, her life, her things, her comfort zone, and honestly her freedom. I have been struggling with such weird feelings about the whole thing. I've been wondering why things like this happen, why people suffer unknowingly from such a weird "disease" and why we have to come full circle in so many ways. I have been so excited to get her moved over here and closer to our family. She has been living in the same 30 minute radius her whole life and this was quite the move. We are having to move her away from all that she's ever known. But, it needed to happen. She has been alone for too long. Ever since my grandaddy passed away a few years back she has been living alone. Her closest family member was 3 hours away and most everyone is even further away. She is suffering from dementia (possibly Alzheimer's, she's never been officially diagnosed with it) for the past few years and we had kept her in her house, alone for as long as we could. So, it was the right thing to do and the best thing to do, but why does it have to get to this point? Why can we not rationally explain it to her? Why can we not have a conversation with her (that she'll remember) about why it's better and even have her remember that she was alone before. She doesn't remember being alone or even that my grandad isn't coming home. It's a horrible disease and I wish that nobody had to go through this. It's sad that she should be enjoying her grand kids and great grand kids and enjoying not cooking or cleaning or having to do anything! But instead...she doesn't remember anything. I'm happy to have her close by now to be able to see her more often but wish that she could remember who I am and why I love her and why I'm coming by to visit with her. There are moments of remembering but so many where she honestly doesn't know me from Adam. I live for the moments that she'll remember and the moments that seeing me will make her happy but in the moments that she doesn't...it just leaves me sad. Sad that she can't know. Sad that she won't REALLY know who my kids are down the road. I'm happy to have her close but know that having her as a much bigger part of my life right now will also result in sadness. Sadness felt for her and what she's unknowingly going through.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Why?
If you are in my life on a normal basis or happen to be my friend on Facebook you probably know that I had a big event happening this weekend....moving my grandmother. Moving her away from HER home, her life, her things, her comfort zone, and honestly her freedom. I have been struggling with such weird feelings about the whole thing. I've been wondering why things like this happen, why people suffer unknowingly from such a weird "disease" and why we have to come full circle in so many ways. I have been so excited to get her moved over here and closer to our family. She has been living in the same 30 minute radius her whole life and this was quite the move. We are having to move her away from all that she's ever known. But, it needed to happen. She has been alone for too long. Ever since my grandaddy passed away a few years back she has been living alone. Her closest family member was 3 hours away and most everyone is even further away. She is suffering from dementia (possibly Alzheimer's, she's never been officially diagnosed with it) for the past few years and we had kept her in her house, alone for as long as we could. So, it was the right thing to do and the best thing to do, but why does it have to get to this point? Why can we not rationally explain it to her? Why can we not have a conversation with her (that she'll remember) about why it's better and even have her remember that she was alone before. She doesn't remember being alone or even that my grandad isn't coming home. It's a horrible disease and I wish that nobody had to go through this. It's sad that she should be enjoying her grand kids and great grand kids and enjoying not cooking or cleaning or having to do anything! But instead...she doesn't remember anything. I'm happy to have her close by now to be able to see her more often but wish that she could remember who I am and why I love her and why I'm coming by to visit with her. There are moments of remembering but so many where she honestly doesn't know me from Adam. I live for the moments that she'll remember and the moments that seeing me will make her happy but in the moments that she doesn't...it just leaves me sad. Sad that she can't know. Sad that she won't REALLY know who my kids are down the road. I'm happy to have her close but know that having her as a much bigger part of my life right now will also result in sadness. Sadness felt for her and what she's unknowingly going through.
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